I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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