Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
