i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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