you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
