Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
