I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
