if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
