there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
