My nipple is on Facebook.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
