so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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