the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
