Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
