Apparently you make a good broom.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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