The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
