he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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