So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have tasted many bathrooms
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
