explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
