I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
