I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
