I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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