I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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