I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
