i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
