somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
