If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
