I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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