I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
