This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
