So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
