Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize