Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
