my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
