I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize