well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
