a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize