Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
