I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
