omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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