What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
