YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
