I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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