i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize