I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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