We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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