i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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