i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize