you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
