So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And then he peed in my hair
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