Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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