you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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