pop tarts are not kleenex
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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