so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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