brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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