Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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