I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
