Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
