If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
