i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
