sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
