I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This house was built for laser tag.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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