Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
