it hurts more in the daytime
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
