Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
time to smoke my breakfast
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
