That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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