Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
