dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
