I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
