I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he was CRYING into my vagina
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
