You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
