i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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