On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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