he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize