I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
