Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
