remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
