she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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