She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
