I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
