Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
