tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
