At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
