Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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