Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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