So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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