Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
