just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
