haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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