He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
