Betty ford says i'm here all night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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