never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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