Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
