Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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