i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
