No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the day after is always just damage control
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize