were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
