her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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