her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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