So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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