No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
