That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
