Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
