I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
