I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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