Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
