So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
