Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
