Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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