a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
