talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
