All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
